ice

Why do I still dream about you? All those things should already be burried and forgotten by now. I don’t wanna ask myself anymore. I don’t wanna entertain questions like what might have been or what could have been. A lot of what ifs and questions to confuse my already messed up mind.

Yeah..I am confused. And unfortunately torn between confusion and self-denial. I don’t know what to do when you’re near me.I wanted to talk to you, spend time with you, and be close to you. Above all these, I still want to feel your touch, your kisses and your love. My heart wants all these..(wahaha!! so cornicks!)..Somewhere, reason always stops me..My pride..I’d rather suffer or I love you but I lovemyself more..The “reason” behind the “logic.”But then again, I can’t turn back the hands of time.

I’ve been whirling in this circle for quite some time now. But still, I have no plans in mind. No decisions made yet or whatsoever. maybe then, in due time I’ll stop hoping..Maybe then, I’ll stop dreaming..Maybe then, I’ll stop missing you..Maybe then, I’ll stop loving a person that doesn’t exist anymore..

He was just another friendly face amongst the crowd. He kept on smiling at me and doing chitchats.

My admiration for him grew and eventually, it became love. He’s easy to love. He’s adorable, charming, generous, caring and sweet. He’s a simple person. A sensible one. That’s what made him even more special.

I shared with him my past, my present and my future. I felt easy to open up to him and to talk about things I was quite hesitant to share with others. It was also easy to plan my future with him and to share my fear, hopes and dreams with him. The future is full of uncertainties and doubts yet I felt that if he’s going to be “the one”, I know that I’ll really be happy and grateful to him. How I wanted him to be the one. The one with whom I’m going to share everything with for the rest of my life. There was nothing I could ask for more.

Even though we faced some issues, being with him made me feel secured, contented and loved. I can be my “real self” when I was with him. There were no pretensions.

He’s gone for quite some time already. It took me a while to realize that I’ve been missing a lot of things.

I miss having someone to share my insights with, someone to support me and be proud also of my Endeavour’s, someone to laugh heartily with and share my joys with, someone to comfort me, assure me and inspire me if things aren’t the way I wanted them to be, someone to spoil me yet won’t hesitate to point out my shortcomings, someone to be happy with over simple things, someone to be happy with even though there’s nothing much to do except to sit in silence and stare at each other, someone to argue with and get mad at yet appreciate that person even more, someone who brings out the best in me and someone who really made me feel special and loved.

He was all those…

His simple thoughts and actions still inspire me. In one way or another, they’re “words of wisdom” for me. I guess I can’t deny that despite of everything that happened, I still cherish him..

Maybe…I’ll always treasure him here in my heart..

I dont know what I’ve been doing for these past days.Some days weren’t so cool.Some were just so-so.Some were actually quite boring.

Yesterday isnt different from the other days except that we did some things which are quite embarassing.

Gin*go! Makabuluang!hehe..

It’s good to see them again together. It’s one of the reasons why I was really laughing when I was approaching our tambayan. Then, we were singing the song All This Time.. Yeah.. The heart forgives, the heart forgets.hehe

After several minutes, he arrived after playing basketball for more than an hour.I was waiting. We talked about some stuffs and did some crazy stuffs. Picture taking again..The guys are getting senti now that we’re leaving UP.hehe

After eating dinner, we went to Robinson’s. It was embarassing when we rode the jeepney going to the mall. They thought that the money passed unto them was for our own fare. It was another person’s. The girl beside me. Many of the passengers there wee laughing at the incident.

Guys! Girl hunting 101. I was just laughing at what they’re doing.Of course, I cant do the same thing or even go boy hunting. They’ll just tease me. Earlier that day, one of them said that they’re starting to get serious in their respective relationships while I wasnt.Sh*t..

Well, that day ended..

I realized that I miss my girl friends..

life can be so damn difficult.im not saying that these things are new to me but they are those things which really needs time to get used to- for me.i guess my life wouldn’t be as colorful as before.hehe..nah!!well, for now, i have to limit my activities.i have several health restrictions and i get tired easily.imagine, i “suffered” for two days because i walked for a few meters under the sun.am i dying?! i hope im not..i still have a lot of plans in my life.hehe

really..i cant believe its actually happening right now..some of the things i love doing and which are actually a part of my routine will have to be stopped..

okay..i have to say good bye to coffee, smoke, alcoholic drinks, spicy food and staying up late at night for now..

anybody??!! i cant remember anything..maybe this is what they call memory gap??!! hehe..amnesia pagd gle..

whew!!this has been one of the worst weekends of my life..with nothing to do except texting and checking on my friendster.can anybody out there suggest some thing/s? i’ll really be grateful for that..

haha..i really sound desperate!! at least, i’ve had coffee..it’s one of those things i really enjoy..